Just over 10 days ago, the world celebrated Valentine’s day- that so-called special chunk of 24 hours reserved to show the special ones in our lives how much they mean to us. This year’s valentine’s day witnessed loads of marriage proposals from those within my circle of contacts and irrespective of how you feel about PDAs (that’s Public Displays of Affection by the way), it was really romantic to watch the guys man up, go down on one knee and pop the question to their giggling, often tearful sweethearts. Oh the hugs, the tears, the gifts and the ‘yeses’. Beautiful day it was.
However, beyond Feb 14, life, love and the unending enigma called relationships must go on. Human relationships are very interesting. As humans, we possess a high sense of self-preservation- we’d do almost anything to avoid getting hurt. So it is emotionally too- we develop tactics and mechanisms to avoid getting hurt (or at least to dampen the effect). One way we’ve devised is the practice of testing our partners (spouses, fiancé/fiancée,
special friends). You know, the whole idea is to set up a scenario, make it look and feel as real as possible and observe how the other person responds in this ‘environment’.
So he keeps his money 100% to himself; hardly any gifts or surprises even when he can afford it- claiming he’s testing if her affection is based on what he has/gives or who he is. He even goes as far as pretending he’s broke just to find out how she responds when cash flow is scanty. She flirts with the other guy- just to see if he’ll get jealous (after all, love always has a trace of jealousy, right?). He does that too. One person fakes anger over an issue- just to see how the other handles such situations. So many methods- all with one purpose.
Yes, it’s important to somehow get to know the other person beyond what they tell you; but how do we do that in a way that doesn’t backfire on us or throw up unpleasant surprises? Some see such tests as an expression of distrust; others view them as a necessary part of relationships today- especially with the level of pretense/’packaging’ going on. What do you think?
Do you think it is right to test your partner? And how far should it go? Have you tested someone or later found out you were being tested? How did it play out? Let’s get talking friends and enrich one another’s lives with shared wisdom and experiences. Looking forward to your comments!