Here’s the concluding part of my chat with Kay as promised. Missed the first part? Click on this to read it. Enjoy!

Kay: my yday’s gist

Ik: we talked about the possibility of a guy loving 2 girls sincerely at the same time and I said it’s totally possible but the above statement has a missing part

Kay: yea. Tell me

Ik: and the missing part is that the above statement does not FULLY explain what it means by ‘love’

Kay: explain please

Ik: okay…as far as I know, love has 3 major parts: the emotions/emotional part, the decision part and the commitment part. I didn’t read this anywhere…just out of observation and reflection.

Kay: okay

Ik: Now when a guy finds that he emotionally loves say 2 ladies to the same degree, it is up to him to call up the decision part and CHOOSE whom to settle with

Kay: okay

Ik: I’m sure you’ve heard people say “Love is a decision, not a feeling”; this is what they’re talking about

Ik: the problem is that many guys have either not developed the mental maturity to make the decision OR they just choose not to and rather seek to have ‘the best of both worlds’. Is this making sense?

Kay: yea

Ik: and only after he has passed through the decision part of love can he move up to the commitment part..that’s when you (the girl) becomes his exclusive romantic interest .

Ik: so in some cases, that the guy ‘loves’ you does not mean he has no other person he ‘loves’…it may simply mean he has passed through the decision part and chosen to just let the other lady go…though he still loves her emotionally

Ik: however, rmbr what I said. Not many guys are ready to pass through that decision phase. They consciously or unknowingly refuse to do that so they can always have an excuse for being unfaithful or to have a Plan B…just in case anything happens.

Ik: have you ever heard that ‘a man can love you and still cheat on you’?

Kay: Yea I have

Ik: that may not make sense to you until you understand that the statement is only focused on the emotional part of love…and you know how emotions are…they rise and fall. That’s why a great relationship can’t be built more on ‘how I feel’ becos if that’s the major part, what happens the day you don’t ‘feel’ the same way? And if you ask any couple, they’ll tell you that it’s not every day they feel all ‘soft and cuddly’ towards their spouse. But that’s where the decision and commitment parts come in to sustain the relationship.

Ik: all 3 are important- the emotions, the decision and the commitment. If any is missing, the relationship will suffer in some way, even if not immediately

Kay: yea

Ik:*end of lesson* any questions

Kay: Beautiful lesson, I totally agree. It never related in this manner before. For now, I don’t have questions, but I’ll have later sha

Ik: okay…further clarification will cost you

Kay: but how do guys that cheat manage to maintain a good level of commitment in all their relationships?

Ik: first of all, a guy that cheats is NOT truly committed. (I’m speaking on the basis of the word [bible] now…not general human philosophy). However, it’s possible for a guy to maintain ‘commitment’ (according to the world’s definition) because…

Ik: because for a guy, it is easy to totally separate emotion from logic

Kay: ok

Ik: yup..that’s where I’ll stop…got further questions? I’ll start charging…loll

Kay: none. For now

Ik: forever o

Kay: loll…no o. I’ll ask you many when they come

Ik: Hah…shey you’ll open my mouth to force out answers?

Kay: loll…yep. I’ll disturb you till you tell me



Thanks for reading to the end. Our commitment at Grow360 is to challenge and inspire young people to become the very best version of themselves in every area- and that includes relationships (platonic and romantic). Do you have any issues that you’d like to see featured on this platform? Any dilemmas you need some counsel to help you unravel? We’re here for you on LET’S TALK ABOUT IT. Kindly leave the details in the comment box below or send us a mail: We promise to respond in less than 24hours. You can also like our facebook page to stay updated with Grow360’s activities.

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4 thoughts on “On The Issue Of Testing 2 (My Chat With Kay- Concluding Part)

Add yours

    1. I’d say look out for what’s important to you…and look out for what the word (the bible) says is important.

      I deliberately kept my answer simple and sort of general to encourage each one to delve into the word to find those things for themselves…what we personally find has a way of staying longer with us and impresses a deeper sense of conviction than just being spoon-fed with answers always.

      Crucial question Theo.


    1. Oh really? I’d suggest you discuss this with a group of friends…both male and female…listen to their honest perspectives…that may help sort out the confusing (or scary) parts…thanks for reading!


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