Here’s the concluding part of my chat with Kay as promised. Missed the first part? Click on this to read it. Enjoy!
Kay: my yday’s gist
Ik: we talked about the possibility of a guy loving 2 girls sincerely at the same time and I said it’s totally possible but the above statement has a missing part
Kay: yea. Tell me
Ik: and the missing part is that the above statement does not FULLY explain what it means by ‘love’
Kay: explain please
Ik: okay…as far as I know, love has 3 major parts: the emotions/emotional part, the decision part and the commitment part. I didn’t read this anywhere…just out of observation and reflection.
Ik: Now when a guy finds that he emotionally loves say 2 ladies to the same degree, it is up to him to call up the decision part and CHOOSE whom to settle with
Ik: I’m sure you’ve heard people say “Love is a decision, not a feeling”; this is what they’re talking about
Ik: the problem is that many guys have either not developed the mental maturity to make the decision OR they just choose not to and rather seek to have ‘the best of both worlds’. Is this making sense?
Ik: and only after he has passed through the decision part of love can he move up to the commitment part..that’s when you (the girl) becomes his exclusive romantic interest .
Ik: so in some cases, that the guy ‘loves’ you does not mean he has no other person he ‘loves’…it may simply mean he has passed through the decision part and chosen to just let the other lady go…though he still loves her emotionally
Ik: however, rmbr what I said. Not many guys are ready to pass through that decision phase. They consciously or unknowingly refuse to do that so they can always have an excuse for being unfaithful or to have a Plan B…just in case anything happens.
Ik: have you ever heard that ‘a man can love you and still cheat on you’?
Kay: Yea I have
Ik: that may not make sense to you until you understand that the statement is only focused on the emotional part of love…and you know how emotions are…they rise and fall. That’s why a great relationship can’t be built more on ‘how I feel’ becos if that’s the major part, what happens the day you don’t ‘feel’ the same way? And if you ask any couple, they’ll tell you that it’s not every day they feel all ‘soft and cuddly’ towards their spouse. But that’s where the decision and commitment parts come in to sustain the relationship.
Ik: all 3 are important- the emotions, the decision and the commitment. If any is missing, the relationship will suffer in some way, even if not immediately
Ik:*end of lesson* any questions
Kay: Beautiful lesson, I totally agree. It never related in this manner before. For now, I don’t have questions, but I’ll have later sha
Ik: okay…further clarification will cost you
Kay: but how do guys that cheat manage to maintain a good level of commitment in all their relationships?
Ik: first of all, a guy that cheats is NOT truly committed. (I’m speaking on the basis of the word [bible] now…not general human philosophy). However, it’s possible for a guy to maintain ‘commitment’ (according to the world’s definition) because…
Ik: because for a guy, it is easy to totally separate emotion from logic
Ik: yup..that’s where I’ll stop…got further questions? I’ll start charging…loll
Kay: none. For now
Ik: forever o
Kay: loll…no o. I’ll ask you many when they come
Ik: Hah…shey you’ll open my mouth to force out answers?
Kay: loll…yep. I’ll disturb you till you tell me
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