In my early teen years as I had my first exposures to the subject of sexuality and sexual control, I noticed a bias. I couldn’t really articulate it then, but it was obvious to me that though never explicitly stated, according to our teachers, in matters of sexuality, there were two sets of rules- one for us and another for the girls.
Our teachers (even in teens’ church!) almost inevitably zoomed in on the teen girls and warned them especially to stay away from boys. While some never explicitly stated this, it was evident that they believed that a teen girl would be the (only) one to bear the consequences of illicit sexual experiences at that age. The logic was simple- the girl would be the one to get pregnant (if that happens), she’d be the one that had to live with the guilt and shame of being ‘used’ by a guy and become a subject of discussion at the boys’ meeting. Any girl who slept around was a slut. Guys who did that had ‘game’ and were considered macho- the good ‘badt’ guys. (Norms are
changing declining but generally, this still holds true. )
“Oh, that one? I’ve conquered her” they’d say about you. So said our teachers.
Their motives were probably noble, but in retrospect, it was an extremely unbalanced teaching. In that sensitive season when we were developing our first levels of real sexual consciousness, we were being subconsciously programmed as teenage boys to think of ourselves as invincible. If anything happened, we could simply get up and walk off. No consequences. Zero repercussions. She had to live with all the after effects of any ‘mistake’, therefore the onus was on her to ‘take care of herself’. What a disastrous mindset!!
In those formative years, a subconscious code was being encrypted into our brains- “while we are not saying you should go ahead and do this, the truth is you can do whatever you like with any girl you can lure and there’d be zero consequences for you- you can just walk away. She’s the one that will have to deal with any unexpected blowbacks”.
Sadly, this thought pattern stuck with many into full adolescence and young adulthood. Are we then surprised at the degree of sexual indiscipline among young men today? Infact, it is now expected of us. Any ‘normal’ young man cannot stay without sex, or multiple sexual partners. He just can’t. That’s the belief. The real heartbreaker is that even our dear sisters these days hardly make any attempt to hold us to higher standards. If he cheats, well, what were you expecting? He’s a young man with blood in his veins. You’re even lucky it’s just with one other girl.
What! Is this all you’ve come to expect of us? You can’t demand that we step up and do the right thing? You can no longer insist (and I mean REALLY INSIST) on faithfulness? Is that how little you think of us? Testosterone junkies who can’t keep it in their pants?
But see what the word had to say about that:
“But whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding: he that doeth it destroys his own soul”
So how could they tell those teen girls, in our presence “the boys don’t have problem o, you are the one that will suffer everything so you better be careful”. What on earth were they thinking?! Didn’t they ever read Proverbs 6:32??????
I think it’s time we change the message we are sending to our teenage boys. They are NOT invincible. There ARE consequences to their sexual activities and sex is so much more than a physical act.
Live by Design.
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