*Cold morning air wafting through the window, slow, laden breaths interrupt the silence…in my head, this plays out*
*Softly* So my head aches.
And my heart pounds.
I’ve been awake for just over 5, no 4 minutes and I already know it’ll be another bad day- another day of regret, depression and pain. It’ll be another day I wish would just pass away. Another day I’d love to forget in a hurry.
They say joy comes in the morning.
Still in my mourning, I await my morning.
Maybe it had a flat tire or something.
Or it ran out of gas?
Either way, it’s still not here; and it’s dark in my world.
*pensive* I’m worried. Is worried the word? No, I think distraught better describes my state.
And it’s all because of you – yes you, God. You did this to me.
They say you’re good all the time maybe my clock ain’t working anymore because I haven’t felt it in a while.
You left me alone in my time of need.
What am I saying?
*angrily!!!* I’m still in my time of need!
You were silent when I cried and needed to hear your voice,
Though I never really listened.
I just cried……and cried…..and cried…and took off…..in search of another high.
*sobbing* I’m sorry, I’m yelling at you.
*more sobbing* I’m sorry Lord, I know I shouldn’t.
*whispering* Please help me Lord, pleeeaaassseee help me.
*almost inaudibly* please help me.
*wipes tears* Here’s the thing Lord. I’m bothered about my future.
Did I just say bothered? No afraid. Yes, that’s it – I’m afraid of tomorrow.
Afraid when I watch the news and realise that events that once seem far-fetched are happening daily all around me.
Afraid that I may not become all I can be. Afraid that somehow, someway, my dreams will die as dreams.
Afraid that there’s no one out there to help me; at least give me a start on the journey.
Afraid that I’ll know too much and do too little.
Afraid that the urge to survive will push me down the wrong path. Afraid that the pressure to ‘belong’ will make me break your heart. I’m afraid Lord, so afraid.
There’s so my things I want to do but I’m still confused.
So many things I want to try, want to see if I can fly.
Save me. Save me.
Please save me. From me.