A friend sent this image to me some days back and had me laughing so hard!
Obviously, this woman wasn’t wailing about being kept in the friend zone, but of you’ve had the unfortunate honour of experiencing one-sided affection, this may well be a perfect description of how you felt inside. Unrequited love IS painful (don’t ask how I know…loll).
This got me thinking about how we process our expectations in friendships and (romantic) relationships. We assume so much stuff about the other person – we know we shouldn’t but we do anyway. I guess it’s just one of our innate imperfections.
Oh, he’s always looking for ways to hang around me. Clearly, he likes me.
She’s always so nice when we talk. She even calls me cute pet names.
On and on we go, producing every last grain of ‘evidence’ we can find to support the ‘truth’ as we know it. Then reality hits and we find that we’ve been living in dreamland. Sometimes we get angry, some get depressed and heart-broken while others shut the world out with a thick wall around their emotions. But truth be told, who did that to you? You did.
I know some people derive some sort of fiendish delight from leading a guy/girl on and sending mixed signals, but that’s their decision – how you respond is yours.
To the Ladies,
- Just because he’s nice doesn’t mean he likes you. Maybe he just likes you. Keep your eyes open, fingers (and legs!) crossed and let things unfold naturally. Trust me, in these matters, patience may be tough, but it pays in spades.
- Norms may differ these days but there’s still something special when a guy makes the first
- If he R-E-A-L-L-Y wants to be with you, he WILL come to you. He may be shy, shaky, and stumble over his words the first few times (yeah, there are still guys like this! And I don’t mean teenagers) but HE WILL COME. I’m a guy – take it from me.
To the Guys,
- I know you’re nice to everyone and you just can’t help the affectionate person that you are. But be wise. Mixed signals are a no-no. You don’t want her feeling like the lady in the image above. If you notice she’s misreading your kindness, correct that impression (seriously, did you just ask me how to do that?).
- If you really want to be that special guy in her life, make it clear. All that hanging around and smiling unnecessarily will take you nowhere. Man up before a dude with more game steps in. If you want to be just friends, make it clear. These things have windows of opportunity – speak now or forever hold your peace.
- Spirituality cannot substitute for learning how to treat a lady right. There’s a place for your heavy tongues and another for soft, romantic words AND corresponding heart-melting gestures. Learn the difference.
Here’s wishing you the best of life, love and happiness this season and beyond!
Live by Design.