I must admit.
I’ve been hesitant to write today’s post. The thought arrived weeks ago but I’ve been putting it off. Guess why. I didn’t want anyone thinking I was dealing with this same issue myself. I have friends who regularly visit the blog and after imagining the awkward conversations that could follow, it felt easier to not write.
But you know what? I don’t want to live in that cramped box of fear, where I suppress thoughts that could help someone out there just because I don’t want to look bad. That’s a small way to live.
So this is me pushing last that fear. Hope you enjoy today’s post. Happy reading!
As humans, we sometimes develop feelings we cannot explain. One minute you’re this way and the next, you catch yourself in a completely different mind zone. It’s almost like your mind has a mind of its own; doing things you never thought possible. Today’s dilemma is a perfect example.
You’ve got this friend and you guys are all cozy and tight. Your friendship has survived countless hurdles and through it all, they’ve been a dependable support system.
Lately though, things have not been the same. Your bestie has been hitting big breaks back to back, success after success and you’re almost tired of saying congratulations. Despite everyone else’s groans about life’s difficulties, this fellow seems to be living on another orbit. You fall on your bed at night; reflecting on the night’s outing- this time for another big win at work.
When will it be my turn? you wonder.
It’s not like you’re exactly lazy- you try your best but every thing seems to be pending. And truth be told, you DO want your friend to keep enjoying the massive progress. You wish them well.
But you just want some as well. You deserve to be happy too, right? You’re trying your best to stay positive and not look or sound like a hater but the longer it takes to get your own, the harder it seems to be happy for others.
It’s embarrassing to admit and you really don’t want to be this way. But it has happened. It is happening. And you feel helpless about it.
If this is you, what can you do about it?
1. Admit it.
You hate it and wish it would just stop, but this is where you are today. You must admit it to yourself- you are jealous. That’s the first step to recovery. Don’t excuse it, or worse, deny it. Take off the mask. Let’s deal with this thing.
2. Live in joyful obedience.
This is what I’ve found- envy increases as personal obedience decreases. I’ll wait while you read that again.
The more you’re not doing the things you know you should do, the harder it gets to be genuinely happy for others who’s private obedience is producing external results. And those two words are deliberate- it has to be both joyful and obedient. Take action on the issues of your life, and do so with a good attitude.
Success leaves a trail. If there’s one thing your friend’s serial success should do, it should reassure you that it is possible for you to succeed as well. Be inspired.
And this may be hard but you should do this- ask them how they did it. I don’t mean the wishy-washy inquiries. Go somewhere with them, away from distractions and have a serious conversation. Learn. Friendship does not translate to equality in knowledge and application. They may be your friend but may be operating with knowledge and attitudes you know little about. You’ve mused enough- ask and you will learn.
4. Celebrate until it no longer hurts.
New habits feel awkward at first try. When you catch yourself getting jealous again, celebrate their wins some more. It may cut your heart as flashes of your struggles seek to hush you back into jealousy. That’s a trick. Be smarter than that. As you keep at it, it gets easier. Combine this with the practices mentioned in tip #2 and #3 above.
Life never feels like a competition- until you stop winning. But the truth is life isn’t and will never be about competing. The success of another will not stop yours. Celebrate people, learn from them. Then go face your life- soon, it will be your time in the spotlight.
Cheers to your success!
Live by Design.