Notes To My Sister 04: Why You Should Never Ask A Guy About His ‘Vision’.

Besides the usual suspects, “how do I look?” or “do you love me?”, (guys, for your own safety, berra learn how to answer those questions sensibly), there’s this question which on the surface, sounds cogent. It even comes across as being one of those things a ‘serious’ relationship should address. But thinking about it, I honestly think it’s not as brilliant as it sounds. Plus it’s the perfect setup.

I’m talking about the question of a guy’s vision. You know how your relationship coach on facebook or youth pastor warned you about choosing televison over vision? Their well-meaning advice centered on your verifying that the Oga had his lifeplan figured out and that he’s making some sort of progress in its pursuit. And to help you determine that, you were asked to ask.

Today, I’m here to tell you not to ask. Yes. Don’t ask.  Aunty listen, I’m a guy. For your own good, don’t ask us about our vision anymore. You may be setting yourself up to be lied to, misled and deceived.

See, the truth is, he may be at a point where his so-called vision is not yet crystal clear to him. I know, I know. This shouldn’t be the case. But it happens.

It’s just like being pregnant- there’s something in there but you cannot give a high definition description of what it is. But it’s there.

Also, the vision may still be in a state that’s very different from what it’d be just a few years down the line. It’s a basic fact of life- we change. Sometimes alot.

The vision he presently has may even be completely wrong! I know this is scary but it happens. He may be passing the wrong exams right now. He may just be climbing the ladder that’s leaning against the wrong wall today. Sometimes it shows up as a midlife crisis. Sometimes, earlier.  The dude just suddenly realises he’s been on the wrong path all along.

But because you asked, he just has to say something. He doesn’t want to come across as a loafer with no dreams.

So he’ll say something. Anything. As long as it sounds good enough to keep you interested. Am I saying all vision-peddling brother are scammers? Not at all. Some are genuine. Many are still talking about things they see hazily. We’re guys- we just must have a plan. Even if it was developed 90 seconds ago.

And before you say that’s so bad, let’s be honest with ourselves here. Would you stick around a guy who, in response to your question about his vision says, “well, I don’t think it’s really clear right now. I’m still unsure.” or flat out, “I don’t know yet.”?

How quickly would you ignore  the idiot and warn him never to call you again in this life?

So he says something. To keep you interested. That’s why I said stop asking. Ditch that question. It sounds smart but really, it just presents your head for serious washing.

Do this instead.

Watch his life. Watch his daily routines. Listen to his conversation. What does he talk about anytime he has any chance? What are the recurring themes in his life? What is he passionate about? What does he give an ‘inordinate’ amount of emotional, physical and most likely, financial energy to? What consumes him so much that sometimes, he doesn’t remember to call you (Guys, I’m not trying to justify not calling sha. Don’t use this as an excuse)? What does he do for free but thoroughly enjoys?

That’s his true vision. He may not even be aware but there you are, in these subconscious ways, his real vision is being played out every day.

Close your mouth. Shine your eyes.

The real vision (or at least the present one o) is in the daily details.

Live by Design.

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